God Smites Tobyhanna For Dover's Sins
Yesterday, he warned the citizens of Dover because they "voted God out" of their city by ousting school board members who favored teaching "intelligent design." He told those Godless Doverans:
"If there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God, you just rejected him from your city. And don't wonder why he hasn't helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I'm not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city."
Well Doverans, don't go turning to God now! God just smote your punk ass neighbors in Tobyhanna! One hundred fifty three (153) miles away from Dover, God unleashed His opening salvo on Tobyhannans-- just to show you Doverans, 'He is coming for your asses!'
Yup, one day after God's spokesman warned you, The Big Man upstairs unleashed Bushzilla on the residents of Tobyhanna. God ain't fuckin' around, bitches!
Today, Bushzilla launched a bloody propaganda assault upon the citizens of Tobyhanna. Bushzilla roared, "Some Democrats and anti-war critics are now claiming we manipulated the intelligence and mislead the American people about why we went to war." With Roveian adeptness, Bushzilla coupled notions of 'supporting the troops" with notions of 'supporting the war,' causing some of the honest citizens of Tobyhanna to wince and shake their heads in horror. Bushzilla smote:
"Our troops deserve to know that this support will remain firm when the going gets tough. And our troops deserve to know that, whatever our differences in Washington, our will is strong, our nation is united and we will settle for nothing less than victory."
You see Doverans? Tobyhanna is being subjected to Bushzilla today because of your decision to oust school board members who favored teaching "intelligent design." Don't go praying to God now, you heathen Doverans. As Pat Robertson told you, 'God won't listen.'